I’m having the hardest time thinking about how to start this post. So I’m just going to dive in.
I miss you. It’s crazy because I’ve been gone. I can’t envision you not in the same setting I left you. I feel like I can’t even feel the weight of what your loss has on my shoulders. I look to the sky and see you, and I question what is this life really for? We’re meant to be here, but you’re gone. A butterfly flew towards me today, was that you?
Death is just as natural as life, and I look around and I see that we’re all alive and I feel thankful and joyful in the moment that I’m able to be with people who I can share a smile with. I know it’s temporary, and this whole life is temporary, but while I’m here I’m going to smile and live this life has hard as I can. Sometimes I feel like it’s so easy to be down and out and be taken by the current. But I want to stay solid and firm.
It’s surreal. Your loss will always be felt, but I guess in that void I will always fill it with the happy memories we had together. I love how you always loved me as your son. I remember everything from when you lived in the apartment. I remember walking up the checkered flights of stairs to get to the apartment, and sitting on the red carpet in the hallway playing with Nikki and her Barbies. I remember us calling it the sala. I remember Len in her high chair. I remember watching the pink panther on TV, and Nikki starting school at Sunshine, and I was jealous because I wanted to school as well. I remember getting gum stuck in my hair and you taking it.
Then I remember you moving to the house with the backyard and basement. You rented, Nikki and Len did piano lessons, and I slept over all the time. I remember watching movies, playing cards, and you doing Nikki’s report. I remember when we were all sitting around the table and we were eating watermelon and you told us that if we swallowed a seed it would grow inside of us. I remember the kari kari that i didn’t like because my sister didn’t like it but you wanted me to eat it. I remember going to IHOP with you and the syrup incidence with all those pancakes. I love how you drove that old brown Camry and we when got home we stayed in car until the “Fugee’s Killing Me Softly” song was finished. And you sang that song with so much soul and passion. You gave the best hugs
Then you moved to 1763 Thome, and you got Mini. We did the Grease dance, and the Last dance for the San Pablo parties. I remember you taking us to Magic Waters, Six Flags, and to Micka’s house. I always had a great time being with you, and you always loved me and seemed to always be proud of me. I loved being your son. I know when I was a teenager we grow apart a little, and I never got to say sorry for how I acted back then. But when I graduated college you were proud of me, and now I’m here doing vet and I hope to make you proud again. I want to make everyone proud, and I know you’ll be there still.
Please take care of me and watch over me. I miss you so much. We all do.